I also need a vacation, but what scares me is that I know I won't want to go back to work afterwards. I hate that I keep complaining about my job. I've stopped talking about it almost completely in real life, because to be honest, it just makes me feel worse.
It shouldn't bother me so much. Aside from the fact that I'm on borrowed time (I hope they lay me off soon!), it's really not so awful. No one yells at me. I make my own schedule. I'm a master at what I do and the pay is really really good.
I still hate it.
It's making me miserable.
What makes me feel even more miserable is that I know I should be grateful for what I have and just get over it already. But I can't, so that makes me feel like a big, whiny, baby. Also, everyone says I should just get out there and find something new, but I'm too scared. I've worked in the same place since I was eighteen. I don't know where to go from here.
I just feel so sad all the time, and the internet certainly isn't helping. I either need to stop reading sad fic and watching sad fan videos, or I need to watch a ton more so that I can cry my heart out and get it over with.
I've never been depressed before, not really. It's a new experience for me.