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14 August 2007 @ 01:01 pm
Of Dreams and Waking (2/5)  
Title: Of Dreams and Waking (Part 1, Chapter 2)
Author: svanderslice
Beta: The amazing and talented ganeris
Character/Pairing: Nine/Rose
Rating: PG for this chapter, will be R later
Summary: Which is better, the dream or the nightmare?
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I make no money off of their obvious love and desire for each other.
Author's Notes: Written for the time_and_chips ficathon, anywhere but Cardiff.
Prompt: Deva Loka (paradise planet of the Kinda), August 3, 2266

Part 1: (Chapter 1),
Of Dreams and Waking
Part 1
Chapter 2

He who delights in solitude is either a wild beast or a god. ~ Sir Francis Bacon

The Doctor’s striking features are illuminated only by starlight when Rose finally finds him again hours later; staring out into the vast expanse of space though one of the TARDIS’s many inconceivable windows. Like Rose, he’s obviously showered and changed, dark hair once again combed down close to his skull, his angular jaw clean shaven. The battered leather jacket that is so much a part of him wraps around his broad form, all but concealing the material underneath. He’s wearing the maroon jumper now, this time sans wrinkles, and his feet, which stand a shoulder’s width apart, are encased in their usual Doc Martin boots. His emotional armor is back in place, both leather clad arms crossed in front of his chest, inviting no company. He seems to Rose like a statue made of flesh and bone: immobile, and immovable.

He remains still as Rose enters what can only be described as some sort of observation deck. The “window,” she realizes, is actually more like a glass wall; somehow giving the viewer a glimpse of the outside, despite the TARDIS’s wooden exterior. Her pink trainers tread lightly on the metal floor, making little sound, but they still somehow manage to alert the Doctor to her arrival. He continues to stare out at the stars, unchanged by her presence but for a slight slumping of the shoulders. The silence is so deafening that Rose nearly jumps out of her skin when he finally speaks. “I’m sorry.”

She knows she should be angry, knows that a simple apology shouldn’t be enough to make up for all the awful things he said to her. He’d insulted her, frightened her and shut her out, all capital offences when it came to friendship. But what really hurt, what she should really punish him for, was that he’d made her want him, and then he’d made her feel a fool. But the apology is so heartfelt, the words spoken so softly, that it bolsters both Rose’s mercy and her courage. So she closes the gap between them in a few quick strides, coming to stand beside him.

He still doesn’t look at her, so curling her fingers around one masculine forearm, Rose tugs determinedly, until he gives in and uncrosses his arms. She then takes one of his large hands in her’s, intertwining their fingers and squeezing lightly. They stand there for a few moments, just staring out into space.

“Don’t think I’ll ever get used to this view,” she finally says, awe lacing her voice. “It’s so beautiful.”

The Doctor looks down at their entwined fingers, still not meeting her gaze, but it’s a vast improvement nonetheless. “Yes, it is,” he replies, rubbing his thumb along the surface of her short fingernails.

“Can you name them all?”

“Hardly,” he says, gently squeezing her hand, “that would make me a god, and I’d never want that job; too much responsibility.”

Rose thinks the weight on her friend’s shoulders could rival anyone’s, deity or not, but decides to leave it unsaid. Taking a deep breath Rose bolsters her courage, finally getting to the point. “What was that all about this morning? Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I was angry, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have done that."

After the violent display he’d subjected her to earlier he owes her a better explanation. “That much I got, Doctor. What I don’t know is why.”

Air puffs out of the Doctor’s nose, more of a snort than a bitter laugh really, but Rose decides there isn’t much of a difference. “I must have nodded off last night,” he says, once more staring out into the black. “Never was much for sleep, should have known better.”

“So you had a bad dream then?” Rose rubs her free palm down one of his arms, smoothing down the leather. She can’t even begin to imagine the nightmares of a man forced to watch his whole civilization burn to ashes.

“No, Rose,” he says, his smile tight and far from reaching his eyes. “Not a bad dream. I’m used to those. Take a nightmare any day me, and show it where to go while I’m at it?”

Rose purses her lips, determined to hear this out. “Tell me.”

“For a little while, Rose,” he says, his Northern accent almost inaudible, “they were alive.”

“Your people?”

He nods, squeezing both eyes shut and breathing deeply, as if trying to gain back some composure. The Doctor’s voice nearly breaks as he continues. “They were calling me home.”

Rose has to bite the inside of her cheek, keeping back a broken sob, as his words pierce right through her heart. This she understands. How many times as a child had she dreamed that her father was still alive, that her family was whole, only to awaken and find her mother in bed with some bloke who’d only be her boyfriend for about a minute? How much more painful would it be for the Doctor, whose whole world was gone? He’s right, she decides, feeling her eyes burn insistently as she determinedly holds back the tears. Rose would take the nightmares any day; at least that way when you wake up, the reality is better.

“So I dream,” he continues, voice growing bitter once more, “and then I wake up, and stupid git that I am, think that maybe there’s some truth to it.”

“That’s what you were doing in the kitchen,” Rose realizes, “you were searching for them, in your mind?”

“But I was wrong,” he says, once again staring out into the stars, his emotions pushed low. “There’s no one else left. I’m alone.”

The Doctor’s pain is too raw for Rose to handle anymore, so she moves around to face him and reaching up to gently grasp his chin, forces him to meet her gaze. “You’ve got me.”

He smiles, and this time it does reach his eyes, and the pain in them seems to recede just a bit. “Yeah, I do,” he says, drawing her to him, wrapping himself around her.

Rose slides her arms under the Doctor’s jacket and around his waist, feeling the soft wool against her palms as she clings to him, desperate to banish his demons. She breathes deeply, pressing her face into his shoulder as he rubs one smooth cheek against her yellow hair. And if Rose wishes she could reach under his jumper and feel the cool skin underneath, or that he’d lean down just far enough for her to kiss him in that tempting place where his shoulder meets his neck, then she ignores it. Rose is here to give comfort, and he’s taking it, and if that’s all he’ll ever want from her it’ll be enough. It has to be enough, because this is home and she’s not leaving.

Desperate to change the subject lest she fall ever more maudlin, Rose pulls back gently, resting her hands just below the Doctor’s shoulders. She grips his biceps lightly and flashes a cheeky grin, her pink little tongue peeking out of the side of her mouth for a second. “Tell you what?”

“What?” he plays along, chuckling softly.

“I say we stop moping about and you take me someplace beautiful. What do you say?”

This time his smile could stop traffic. “Fantastic.”
Current Location: Work
Current Mood: happyhappy
Tiffany Marvelous: doctordominamia on August 14th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
This is absolutely beautiful and completely in character. I see this happening in series one. You are quite gifted! Can't wait to read more of your work!
svanderslice: DW - animated 9/Rose hugsvanderslice on August 14th, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I really appricate you taking the time to comment. :)
Jasmine: [doctor who] come with mejas_the_short on August 14th, 2007 06:15 pm (UTC)
Oh that was fantastic. You have such a knack for capturing both of their voices. Can't wait for the next bit!
svanderslice: DW - 9 Dork Dancesvanderslice on August 14th, 2007 07:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for the lovely review. There is more comming, they haven't even made it to the planet I was given as a prompt yet. Unfortunately my beta is out of town so the next parts wont be up until next week. Sorry.
aroniwen on August 14th, 2007 06:27 pm (UTC)
This is really compelling becuase you caught the tone of both their voices and you're able to express the pain without over doing it. Beautiful.
svanderslice: DW - 9 close upsvanderslice on August 14th, 2007 07:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much. I was actually really worried about getting just the right balance since I needed to express the pain he was in, but also keep him in character. I ended up deleting a few lines that weren't quite right. So I'm really glad you noticed the effort.
(no subject) - aroniwen on August 15th, 2007 02:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
Pervy Nine Fancier: nineroselove--lowflyingiconshonorh on August 14th, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC)
Lovely! This would make a perfect fic just as it is, but I'm glad there's more to come. This is very much in-character for Nine--the repressed emotions coming to a sudden boil, and his gentle-but-stoic apology later once he's repressed the emotions again. I like Rose here, too; she was always there for him, even when he was at his worst.
svanderslice: DW - 9/Rose Hug (Dalek)svanderslice on August 14th, 2007 06:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, it really means a lot to me. And I agree that the fic is perfect just the way it is, it almost hurts me to have to add to it, but this is for the Time and Chips ficathon, "anywhere but Cardiff," and they haven't actually been to the planet I was given yet, so I sort of have to keep going. Hopefully the rest of it will be as good.
Absoluteabsolute_tash on August 14th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
Awww. Poor Angsty Nine. He really does need a hug. I love the fact that you've kept them both very in character. Very touching and sweet. I'll definitly be looking for the rest!
svanderslice: DW - 9 Dork Dancesvanderslice on August 14th, 2007 07:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for the review! Unfortunately my beta is out of town, so I wont have anything more up until next week, but I'm glad you want to read the rest. :)
Vincelia Valentinevinceliav on August 14th, 2007 08:11 pm (UTC)
Ah, that would answer the question I just emailed to you. lol I thought there was only 2 parts.
svanderslice: DW - 9/Rose Smiling (UD)svanderslice on August 14th, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
hee hee.
AV Gend: fandomneverwinter on August 14th, 2007 08:54 pm (UTC)
That was so precise, I could imagine it all. How he'd look, smiling and sad. Rose trying to comfort him. This is very good, great, amazing, incredible… I’m running out of words!! But you know what I mean.

Ok so you've got me hooked, I'll just sit here and patiently wait for the next instalment ^__^

angel932: CE 9 - intenseangel932 on August 14th, 2007 11:27 pm (UTC)
This is just beautiful. I love they way you put together your paragraphs; beautiful language that flows together creating a perfect mood. Lovely!
svanderslice: DW - 9/Rose Smiling (UD)svanderslice on August 14th, 2007 11:29 pm (UTC)
aww, thanks so much. That's exactly what I strive to do with everything I write; paint a picture, create a mood. I'm so glad it worked for you.
eruvadhril on August 15th, 2007 12:27 am (UTC)
Ohh, this is beautiful! And it's making me all nostalgic for Nine.
whochick: applaudwhochick on August 15th, 2007 12:42 am (UTC)
You've got a wonderfully IC Nine here ... quite a rarity in fanfic, especially two seasons distant from his tenure. I'm looking forward to the next chapter ...
svanderslice: DW - 9 Dork Dancesvanderslice on August 15th, 2007 12:47 am (UTC)
Thanks! I don't really think of him as being so far removed, but I guess your right. That kind of makes me sad? Oh, well, your kind words more than make up for it. :)
(no subject) - whochick on August 15th, 2007 12:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - svanderslice on August 15th, 2007 01:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - whochick on August 15th, 2007 01:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
bluevolvic (Paula)bluevolvic on August 15th, 2007 11:21 am (UTC)
i really love this,Perfectly written and in Character. I can't wait to read more :D
starlightmoonlastarlightmoonla on August 16th, 2007 05:38 am (UTC)
This was just beautifully written with both characters spot on. I could definitely see this occurring the first series. Especially after the Dalek episode.

Again congrats on such a fantastic job!
svanderslice: DW - Rose XDsvanderslice on August 16th, 2007 10:31 am (UTC)
thanks so much! I worked really hard on it so I'm glad you liked it. It isn't finished though. It is supposed to be my "anywhere but Cardiff" ficathon entry and they haven't even goten the the planet yet. The first two parts are important for the rest of it though.
(no subject) - starlightmoonla on August 16th, 2007 09:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
brilliantomega: guhbrilliantomega on August 16th, 2007 07:18 pm (UTC)
::closes mouth that has fallen open, and sweet smile spreads across her lips:: damn... I can't wait to see more of this...there is more ::puppy dog eyes:: right?
svanderslice: DW - Rose XDsvanderslice on August 16th, 2007 08:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! And yeah, I'm going to get the next part up as soon as I can. My beta wont be in town until monday though.

Um, and off topic, do you think I could snag your two kitty Icons? I just think their adorable!
(no subject) - brilliantomega on August 16th, 2007 08:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - svanderslice on August 16th, 2007 08:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Lilli: Lillibetm3lillibetm3 on August 21st, 2007 09:59 am (UTC)
After the Doctor's brief ( but completely in character) apology, this part:

He still doesn’t look at her, so curling her fingers around one masculine forearm, Rose tugs determinedly, until he gives in and uncrosses his arms. She then takes one of his large hands in her’s, intertwining their fingers and squeezing lightly. They stand there for a few moments, just staring out into space.

is perfect.
svanderslice: DW - 9 close upsvanderslice on August 21st, 2007 11:06 am (UTC)
Thanks, I love the visuals there so I'm really glad you liked them too. :)